Parenthood means that learning to skin an apple is the less annoying option.
— Morgan (The818) (@the818) March 6, 2014"Momma there's something wrong with this iPad." -2yo playing with etch-a-sketch.
— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) March 15, 2014“There are no dumb questions.”--someone who doesn’t have a toddler
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014How is it that 2 children can do in 10 minutes to a room, what takes a rock band a case of vodka and an entire night?
— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) March 14, 2014The band I'd be most excited to see at SXSW is the gang from Kidz Bop
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) March 13, 2014I can only assume when my 3 year old coughs directly into the back of my throat she was aiming for her inner arm.
— Allana Harkin (@AllanaHarkin) March 12, 2014My 4yo thinks if she runs in circles fast enough, she can catch the rug on fire. Which is crazy, because she's only medium fast.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) March 12, 20145yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!!
*eats 3 fries*
5yo: Can I be done?
— Ann (@writerPT) March 13, 2014I'm a Stay-At-Target-Mom.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) March 14, 2014Question from kid: "If people never died, how many people would there be on the Earth?"
— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) March 13, 20145YO:"I was looking for my socks, & I finally found them in my drawer! It's crazy! I know I left them right here on the floor!" #laundrymagic
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) March 10, 2014Dad: How about I walk you to your classroom today? 7yo: No, Dad. You have to stop asking & learn to respect my wishes.
— PBS Parents (@pbsparents) March 12, 2014Nothing like volunteering in the classroom to make you realize how much you love YOUR kid.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) March 12, 2014My 3yo said, "Sorry, but..." and I waited a solid minute for him to finish before I realized he was just apologizing to his ass.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 12, 2014Parenthood is:
Attempting to answer the great questions in life such as "why can't we see our ears without looking in a mirror?".
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) March 14, 2014I'm *this close* to telling my daughter to "please hold all questions until the end" when it's time to read bedtime stories.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) March 12, 2014Parenting means asking the question "Why are you all wet?!" at least once a day.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) March 10, 2014My kid called me a "Big Girl" for doing something myself. What I'm gonna do?
— jnyemb (@jnyemb) March 12, 2014Parenting is the original Flappy Bird app.
— charliecapen (@charliecapen) March 9, 2014Bunk beds are all fun and games, until they both want to sleep in the top bunk.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) March 13, 2014Kids: I used to spend my time getting them to be still or go to sleep. Now, I spend my time waking them up & getting them to DO something.
— Rachel Noise (@Rachelnoise) March 11, 2014My 3 year old wants to deal the cards for Go Fish so I canceled our weekend plans.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 13, 2014I wouldn't say that Steve and I lost ourselves because we had a kid, we just lost all motivation to leave the couch after 7pm.
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) March 15, 2014What's that thing called again that makes the hours between 5 and 9pm so impossible to survive? Oh yea, motherhood.
— Lisa-Jo Baker (@lisajobaker) March 13, 2014Yes, it's after 11pm and I'm having Goldfish cracker and vodka. I'm a parent what do you want from me?
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) March 11, 2014One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Go the Hell to Bed Fish.
— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) March 11, 2014Read More
Last Week's Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week
A Fantastic Game of Dress-Up Transforms Baby Into Your Favorite TV Characters