Best Tweets: What Women Said On Twitter This Week

The women of Twitter were on their game this week with numerous hilarious tweets that kept us laughing non-stop. Slightly Funny Jew was a bit nostalgic, tweeting: "Wish you were here* // *cheesecake." Ah yes, we wish cheesecake was (always) here too.

Twitter user Jess! was punnier than most when she tweeted: "I was going to do a sausage tweet, but I couldn't figure out how to link it." Get it? Sausages have links.

For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

My level of single?
Whispering "your hair is so soft and smells pretty" to myself.

— NotTHATSheila (@peb671) August 12, 2014

I like to conserve energy by turning down for whatever.

— ShotofCherye (@CheryeDavis) August 12, 2014

No thanks, toilets that flush.

-kids

— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) August 13, 2014

I was going to do a sausage tweet, but I couldn't figure out how to link it.

— Jess! (@ImJESSPlayin) August 11, 2014

My Southern grandma's reminder for how to pronounce pecan. "You pee in a can. You eat a pe-cahn."

— Kristen Aiken (@kristenaiken) August 13, 2014

Is summer almost over? I don't feel like shaving my legs anymore.

— bubble girl (@JessObsess) August 12, 2014

I haven't changed from my maiden name because I can't be trusted with a blank legal form where I can change my name to literally anything.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 14, 2014

*keys "I'm fine" into your car*

— moody monday (@mdob11) August 13, 2014

"I'm not like other girls"
*fridge full of Greek yogurt, kale and wine falls open behind me*

— Amy Spiker (@ASpiker) August 13, 2014

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them a-"
"For the last goddamn time, Mary Kate, YOU & ASHLEY ARE IDENTICAL TWINS."

— Felix Felicis (@LuckoftheDraw86) August 12, 2014

Any war can be a cold war when one country sends a lengthy, thoughtful doctrine & the other country replies "k"

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) August 12, 2014

911: What's your emergency?

Me: He text me first. Just to say hi. What do I do?!

911: Be cool

Me: I sent him a list of baby names instead

— It's Stephanie (@Snarfernini) August 14, 2014

"I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you"

ok tell me.

— QT3.14159265359 (@Ohaiqtpie) August 12, 2014

Wish you were here*

*cheesecake

— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) August 11, 2014

I'll take medically induced coma for 2000, Alex.

— Ally Cat (@deardilettante) August 14, 2014

What if @GwynethPaltrow and Chris Martin 'consciously uncoupled' and @Beyonce and Jay Z are divorcing for the ultimate Celebrity Wife Swap?

— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) August 14, 2014

75% of men who hold the door open for a woman on the way to the bathroom are repenting for having just left the seat up, per my field study

— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) August 14, 2014

Meanwhile I just looked someone straight in the eye while dropping trash into the recycling bin, so save a warm seat in hell for me.

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) August 13, 2014