Best Tweets: What Women Said On Twitter This Week

Maybe it's the inevitable Valentine's Day hangover, maybe it's the endless winter, but whatever it is the ladies of Twitter are feeling existential about love -- and not in a good way. Twitter user Moody Monday was a bit gloomier than her usual moody self when she tweeted, "My idea of a great date is anytime after 2065, because hopefully I'll be dead by then." Good luck with that?

Abbi Crutchfield had a similarly pessimistic approach to dating: "Dating is like roller rink birthday parties when you were a kid: free food, low lights & some loud idiot talking the whole time." While some had definitely gotten off the love train, others like Twitter user Brain Vomit, were a bit more optimistic in their realizations: "Just tried birthday cake m&ms and now I know for sure that I've never said 'I love you' and meant it before."

For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.

Can we drop the pretense of "President's Day" and just call it "I needed a long weekend because Valentine's Day is garbage"

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 17, 2014

Calling our kitten "the baby" was fine until we were overheard saying the baby's fine by himself since he has food and a clean litter box.

— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 19, 2014

amazon: dude let's not put her vibrator in the order so she actually has to call in and speak to a human person about that being a thing.

— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) February 18, 2014

My nickname at work is, "I thought you got fired".

— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) February 17, 2014

Thanks to everyone who came out for Shari Trips Over Own Feet, Looks Accusingly at Sidewalk. Shows daily, Thanks for supporting the arts.

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) February 19, 2014

Was just notified by a strapping young lad on the corner that he's a stallion and I'll be joining his stable. Making it rein on a Wednesday.

— Leah Bonnema (@LeahBonnema) February 19, 2014

I sneezed three times and no pee came out and that was the highlight of my day.

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) February 19, 2014

I can't be the only one that still karate chops the shower curtain just in case...

— JEW CHAINZ (@jewfacekilla) February 19, 2014

My tactic of responding to a crazy street person in made-up gibberish backfired today when he started speaking my gibberish.

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) February 19, 2014

The chances of me biting you are roughly 14% higher than my dog doing it.

— The Alicianator (@leechee420) February 20, 2014

I had a really vivid dream that I was in a fight with my BFF & now I'm going to spend the day asking her if we are until we are in a fight.

— Rivka Rossi (@sofifii) February 21, 2014

Apparently the Kindle online video support people can refuse to help you if you're "not wearing a shirt" ?!

— EricaOyama (@EricaOyama) February 21, 2014

If short girls are "fun size" does that mean I'm "king size" for being 5'10"?

— Stephanie Michelle (@JumpOnMyTutu) February 21, 2014

When you crack your cell phone screen don't bother replacing it. Locating you in a crowd is easier when half your face is cut and bleeding.

— Jenn Tisdale (@Jenn_Tisdale) February 21, 2014

Dating is like roller rink birthday parties when you were a kid: free food, low lights & some loud idiot talking the whole time.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 21, 2014

when I die donate all my clothing to Goth Orphans

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 21, 2014

Maybe serial killers are just normal people on a no carb diet.

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) February 21, 2014

Stu Pickles was the OG Nick Miller.

— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 21, 2014

Sorry I pointed to the casket while mouthing "You're next" to your asshole kid at the funeral but he boogie sneezed on me.

— Boston Girl (@kmdk83) February 20, 2014

Just tried birthday cake m&ms and now I know for sure that I've never said "I love you" and meant it before

— brain vomit (@heidi420x) February 19, 2014

Why don't they just make flavoured hair spray already? It's going in my mouth either way.

— Pucks (@PuckingItUp) February 19, 2014

Sorry I described your haircut as 'brave' and bought you a hat.

— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) February 19, 2014

How do you end an argument with a woman?

Tell her to calm down.

You're dead now but the argument is over.

— sara (@SomthinBoutSara) February 18, 2014

My idea of a great date is anytime after 2065, because hopefully I'll be dead by then.

— moody monday (@mdob11) February 18, 2014